How Religious Insensitivity Hurts

It was the summer of 2004. My parents and I had begun to settle into our new life as Egyptian immigrants living in America. I would characterize our first few years as a trial and error experience. As we learned to speak English and adapt to different social customs, my family and I held our heads high to ensure our success in our new country. While our efforts were well-intentioned, we didn’t understand that as newcomers, we might be treated differently. I could feel people’s stares as I walked through the aisles of grocery stores wearing my traditional Hijab (Islamic head covering). I felt the gawking and heard the comments almost everywhere I went in my small New Jersey town.

The bullying began when I started high school. Students would tug, grab, and spit. They would call me “terrorist” and “towel head.” Most hateful of all was when they yelled, “Go back to your country.” Each time I heard these words, I felt an emotional bang. Eventually my grades began to fall and I stopped engaging with school. I noticed myself drift further from my faith, believing it was the source of my pain. When I sought emotional support, I went to our school counselor. I told her about the bullying. Her smile initially made feel welcomed and heard. When she finally spoke, she said “Sweetie, do you think you are having these issues because you have to wear that on your head….did you parents make you wear it…you can trust me.” My heart dropped instantly.

I never saw the counselor again. I spent the rest of high school keeping my head down, studying and trying to graduate with as little trauma as possible. When I reflect now on my experience, I find myself navigating mixed emotions: anger, confusion, sympathy. I think that the insensitivity and cruelty I experienced resulted from the lack of religious sensitivity training given to counselors. I knew my guidance counselor did not have bad intentions. But that does not excuse her behavior and it certainly does not erase the emotional suffering I endured as a student.

Now I am an adult. I relay my experience as a student in hopes that school leaders and district leaders bring religious sensitivity to their faculty and staff.   In the current political climate, we have already seen an increase in religious bullying. Schools need competent, sensitive, and engaged counselors. Schools need safe spaces for students suffering from religious-based bullying. Schools need student-administrator discussions on a rarely-discussed topic. I know that talking about religion is hard, but if we do not push out of our comfort zone and work to balance legal obligations with emotional wellness, we risk further disenfranchising the students who need it desperately.